1. Our vaginas are really beautiful, no matter what shape or size they come in. It doesn’t matter how large or small our clitoris or labia is. They are fucking fabulous. Know this fact first, and you’re golden.
2. Sometimes, we get yeast infections. It happens even when we don’t have that much sex. It happens even if we clean properly and regularly. Our girly parts are more complicated and special than yours, so please understand if we cannot play with you sometimes. Yeast infections hurt, and it’s no fun having sex when we have them.
3. We secretly do smell / taste tests before you get to touch our pussy. We mostly just want to make sure that it smells and tastes good for you, but also it’s just something we do on a regular basis anyway.
4. Our vaginas have a special scent. You should like it, end of story. If you don’t, then that’s too bad. We still expect you to go down on us and make us feel like it tastes so fucking good, and you can’t get enough of how we smell and taste. It’s important that you do – and we sincerely hope you’re not acting, and you actually like it.
5. We are usually pretty insecure about the afore-mentioned “eating out” thing. It’s why we check and recheck all the time (seriously, we do). As I said, our kittens are complex, and we really want to make sure you love them! So if you do, you should tell us… Repeatedly. But not so much that you sound like a creepy perv.
6. On porn sets before girls do sex scenes, it’s standard for all girls to douche their cookie and then baby-wipe it, and their bottom, really well…. this is for real. It doesn’t matter if the scene is with another girl or a guy. We just are always keeping things clean down there for us, our scene partner, the camera, everyone. We’re kinda OCD that way, and it makes for a good scene (and good sex) if things are super clean.
7. We are sometimes very turned on, but not really wet. We’re human, and it’s not always going to be perfect. So if we ask for lube, don’t get offended! It usually has nothing to do with how turned on we are. Sometimes we’re just dehydrated. Sometimes, vitamins or medicines will get us a little on the dry side. Or stress. Or whatever. Again – it’s not always about you. If we’re there, and we’re naked, and we’re saying yes, then we’re turned on regardless of how our kitty is acting. I always get in fights about this with boys….
8. We sometimes do not want to have romantic sex. Sometimes we do not want rabbit sex. It’s kind of always just up to whatever mood the pussy is in that day. Changing it up is not a bad thing.
9. Compliment the vagina! Also, warm it up before sticking yourself in. Please. And thank you.
10. The clit, for the majority of women, is our most sensitive part, and is the way we usually get off. So don’t be offended when we want a vibrator on it during intercourse. Don’t worry – we love your cock too!
11. Some girls love period sex, and some girls hate it. Figure out which one your girl is, before f__king during the red tide. And if she likes it, then be a man and take it there. It’s not that gross, at least for me.
12. We have to get our vaginas checked annually. Some of us get it checked more often than that. We like to make sure they are healthy, not just for us, but for you as well. By the way, you can give us cervical cancer really easily because you might not even know you have HPV, so can you all go out and get tested already?
13. When you feel that blockage at the end of our pussies, that’s our cervix. It hurts when you stab at it, but you already know that, so stop doing it!
14. Please clean your genitals before coming near ours. Thank you!
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